someone owes me an orgasm
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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