i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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