dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
