Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
