and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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