I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
