your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
