he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
