I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
