I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
