The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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