we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
