I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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