I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
