Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
