we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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