New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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