Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
