All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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