"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we're making bets on your personal life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
