I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
