found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
