ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A+ Viking dick
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
