I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can text with my tongue
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize