I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
