I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
