I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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