He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
