She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
