I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
