my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
