you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
