How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
