So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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