Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
