Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
