i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
