I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
