I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
