of course. lets lasso hookers.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
