I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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