who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was so not down for the gang bang
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
