I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
