Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I intend to get homeless drunk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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