I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
