Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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