he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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