She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
