What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
