Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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