I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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