Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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