it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
