It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
