is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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