he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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