Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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