Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
