My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
