I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
