I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
