he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
one might say we're banned from that church
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
