She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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