smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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