I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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