I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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