Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You're like the curious george of whores
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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